This is an experiment.
These are my thoughts.
This is unfiltered.
Sometimes we walk through our lives and feel something.
We feel something in many ways. A split feeling.
At the same time, we notice that something bothers us, something is blocked, something is frustrated, something that needs to be changed. On the other hand, we see something new, a new way, a new self, a new possibility.
Maybe the previously described feeling will be triggered by the second and we will not be aware of things we want to change or disturb us until the new ones fall into our attention and we recognize, that we do like them. I would like to turn these thoughts into a metaphor and a little story.
Imagine in your mind’s eye: You walk along a beautiful beach, as the most eloquent authors and the most creative artists could not draw. But a thunderstorm follows you with every step you take. It pushes a wall of cold and gloomy air in front of it, making everything darker and drab. Actually, you’re looking forward to the sounds and warm scents that you’ll experience in a short blink. You look left and right and everywhere, seeing an old broken wooden boat under a protective blanket of tall palm trees. You sit on an intact part of the small boat and want to turn you straight towards the sea — there you see something on a thick, smooth meter high rock wall which is completely surrounded by dense nebula: The end of a rope ladder protrudes from the bottom of the nebula and just as you are wondering where it is leading, the mist around the ladder dissolves and you can see it, the: Transcendent path.
The wall of smoke splits and your gaze wanders up the ladder. At the top of the rock face, barely visible to the naked eye, you can still see it: A green oasis, free from all shackles and open in every direction! Endless views which flatter every retina and radiate with it together. You see yourself in this place — your self in a form closer to your own reality than you ever imagined. You see a life, full of happiness, full of purity and in a reality that gives you a contentment that you have been missing all the time even though you did not know it.
It blurs, it gets cloudy, you can not see it anymore …
The nebula has closed again. The rock face is now barely visible and only the end of the ladder at the bottom of the mist can be seen. You are angry. You’re sad. How would you like to climb this ladder? How much would you like to have gone this way to a life as you have always wished, even without knowing it? But now you do not dare. The nebula is too dense, you would hardly recognize the next sprouts and can not distinguish intact from brittle ones. You would not know how far you have come, you would not know how far you still have to go and how you should divide your power. The path was blurred again and now impossible for you to go. The nebula was gone for 5 minutes, is that enough to climb up the whole wall?
At that moment, the nebula starts up again and all the beauty shows up at the end of the ladder. You are still sitting on the boat. It’s raining now. But you are dry. You are sure. Have everything you need but do not want to get up — do not get wet. You only think about the ladder. How nice would it be up there? Closer to the sun, the more beautiful view, limitlessness, the purer self and more contentment. All you have to do is climb this ladder.
But how long will the nebula be gone? How long will you see the next sprouts? Do you have enough strength for the climb?
An hour has passed and the nebula closes again. Again, the wall is almost gone and the same picture opens up to you and you are annoyed. Did not dare. Were too thoughtful. Have weighed too much and were too strategic, too wired, too planned. What if the nebula never leaves again? Risking it? Is the ladder still the same?
Is the top of the wall the same as you last saw it? You think of the wall, the new life, the new opportunities and stare into the nebula. The nebula, it dissolves again. This time even more than ever, you could not see the path more clearly so far. You could not see the end of the wall more clearly. All possibilities are open to you and everything in you cries to leave immediately. But you hesitate again — What if you can never climb down again? Can people you love follow you? Will you be still yourself up there? Are there any dangers you can not see from the bottom?
24h have passed in which you have broken your head and the nebula closes again.
Again it is closed, the path not visible, the worries great. Your desire to rouse yourself and walk that path is getting bigger and bigger every time.
What if you do it and the nebula comes back while climbing and is poisonous and makes you weak?
A cycle of hope, desire, thoughts, reasons, excuses and justifications. The nebula is going, the nebula is coming. One week, one month, one year …
The nebula keeps leaving longer and longer, and the path and the life and your self-realization lie in front of you in the most beautiful and unchanged form.
“Life can only be understood backwards: but it must be lived forwards.“
– SØREN KIERKEGAARD
Your thoughts are the same again and again. What is missing to convince you? Suddenly you see something a few feet away from you. The ground rises. The sand wobbles excitedly and the grains bounce off each other like little flummis. A small hill no bigger than your hand grows out of the sand. Suddenly it breaks open, the sand flies everywhere and out of the tiny hole in the ceiling of the beach hops a beautiful little green sea turtle. Hectic, she turns in circles, searches, looks. Then she starts running. She runs as fast as she can to something she really does not know. The Ocean! This endless wonder of nature full of secrets and unknown places. The little turtle runs and runs. Not hesitating for a single second. And then she does it. Without fear, full of confidence, full of courage and joyfully beaming aura, she jumps into an uncertain future — into the raging waves of the ocean.
Overwhelmed by so much vitality and courage in such a small creature, something happens inside of you. You have goosebumps and in every fiber of your being you feel it: you’re ready. So far as to dare to get up and finally find and realize your own self. The nebula is gone, the path is there. The sky is illuminated by the paradise that awaits you and everything is screaming to get started and finally walk that path. It’s your path that was always meant to guide you to the life you always wanted to lead. And you’re doing it. Full of adrenaline, you give your body the order to get up, climb, and to get you to what was so close to you for all the time.
You try to get up and take the first step … just to find out … You can not walk anymore.
If we let our chances and paths remain long-term opportunities, it will be too late on one day. Too old, too committed, too burdened, too weak. Thoughts and reflections are important, but sometimes actions are more important, otherwise they will only take place in our imagination and we will never have tasted and experienced them.
It was there all the time, this path. Whether the nebula is there or not is completely unimportant. No one knows how easy it is to go and whether there are obstacles and problems. Nobody knows if this path is the right one and neither you nor anyone else will be able to fathom and tell you. But only if you walk on it, you will see if it’s the right one or the wrong, and at this point you’ll find new paths again and again until it’s the right one.
Even if the nebula never leaves, you’re right! Only if you climb up the first rungs in the middle of the unknown nebula you will be able to see and follow the next and the following ones.
Do not wait too long, otherwise you’ll stare forever at the first and always same rung until it’s too late …
And if it is within reach for such a long time, there’s only one more question to ask:
What are ladders and their rungs made for?
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